Almost two years ago to the day it all changed forever. This is recorded history of the experience named Chloe Firetto-Toomey.
London mixology, glittering black streets, soles in steps with gold sequined shoes and the City calling. The call of duel citizenship, duality called across the pond to Miami. To explore my passport to my father's land. To experience. I risked all my little life had gathered, threw it up and watched it spark out like fireflies getting lost in the night. I guess that's what it's all about. Wondering or stagnant or running still all in the name of experience. I made my decision to do now and think later. This is my habit. A reoccurring pattern in the fabric of life, i pull my own threads and pluck the frayed. I left London and once you leave it's hard to go back, this by no means makes moving forward clear either. I suppose we are all tugging on those threads, ropes to pull us through to the next breath.
Lets move to the now; sat in a red Honda civic at 12:48am, Asheville, NC. I moved to the mountains rebelling from my father on a quest to make it to New York City. I thought the country air would lend me breathing space, clarity of mind. Crystalline blood should follow the indescribable force for that is a sole freedom.
The move from London to Miami to Asheville has been a considerable shock to the system. The culture is different, not Latino of Miami, not diverse as London. The nest in the mountains is a strange Quiet. No city choirs, sirens or screams with their colour explosions resonating through the languid river roads. I went from Poetry Cafes and Cocktails to working as a banquet server in an old creepy hotel, apparently haunted. Definitely hair raising and in a comedic light barely resembling a 'Faulty Towers' feel meets 'The Shinning'. The night has a devouring blackness to it unlike the city, out here the stars offer no constellation. In the city you cannot see them but who wants to anyways? You're in the city. The city forms the constellations and threads dreams to fabric.
If I am creating my reality, life is a classroom, I am my own God. I am creating the lessons, the problems and the solutions. Hours arrive by the second, my compass cares not. I'm still sitting here, waiting for the coins to lead me to the lights and then what? what? What happens when you are out there? With only desire lines, eyeballs on the horizon with only a ghost of a destination?
I went to see Sex and the City 2 last night. The late night showed to me and one other female. It was the first time i'd been to the cinema on my own. I laughed, I cried and loved it. It made me miss my friends and want to buy a new outfit. It made me remember me when I flowed through the city's veins, feeling myself pump lost and precise through the underground with headphones in my ears on the way to meet the girls. I used to think that you had to lose yourself to truly find yourself. This thought lingers, the egg timer has yet to decide and maybe it never will and maybe that is my defining factor, quality and character flaw.
Do other people consciously make decisions? or do the decisions make them? my decision has been to bolt rather than have it be decided for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment